


Art Major

by Ohshipnip



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-07-04 21:42:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15849942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohshipnip/pseuds/Ohshipnip
Summary: "I've been eating pints of ice cream, watching The Notebook every day, twenty times in a row, creating a dent on my couch, probably gaining weight because you didn't know how to tell me you loved me?" Clarke exclaims at Lexa as she paces back and forth."It's pretty easy Lex. You didn't have to make a big deal out of it at all. You just go, hey I love you, Lexa."





	1. Chapter 1

Clarke always loved art. It was something her mother never understood but her father loved it. Her mom always thought she should be studying medical textbooks but her dad lived for the creativity. Clarke always thought that's why they worked so well together. Her mom was a textbook geek and her dad was a dreamer but of course with an engineering job.

But Clarke always loved art. All through high school, she was always in the art room. So it was no surprise to Abby Griffin when Clarke decided to study art instead of medicine. Of course, Abby was upset but she let her daughter go knowing it's what her late husband would have wanted.

They both just wanted Clarke to be happy and after Jake died, nothing made Clarke happy and all Abby wanted was to see her daughter smile again. She wanted to see the smile Clarke always got while painting or drawing. But it was nonexistent. Jake's death took the happiness out of Clarke's artwork. So Abby was surprised when Clarke still decided to study art.

At the beginning of college, her professors understood that the ideas just weren't happening but as time passed, they got annoyed. Clarke got annoyed with herself. She couldn't explain to them how she felt. She couldn't find the words to explain what she saw every time she tried to get the idea on a canvas. She just couldn't. Clarke spent hours upon hours trying and trying but nothing ever happened.

Clarke walked out of the art studio into the bright sunlight. That definitely wasn't there when she first walked in last night at 10 pm. Clarke always had ideas flowing in her mind. There was no way to stop because she had definitely tried. But every time she went to start those ideas, her dad flashed through her mind and suddenly there was nothing but his eyes staring at her. Then the ideas would just gone. Poof. Just like that. Like there was never an idea. Clarke hated it. She wished and wished and wished she could find the happiness in her art again but every time she tried, she was left to remember her dad.

Clarke tucked her sketchbook neatly into her bag before slinging it back over her shoulder. She thought about stopping for coffee but decided against it since she hadn't slept in the past two days. She pulled her phone out from her back pocket and began responding to all the worried texts from her friends. She sighed as the read all 220 of them. Clarke loved her friends, she really did but their constant worries about her were beginning to get on her nerves. She just wanted to be left alone. Alone with her thoughts. Alone with the memory of her dad. Just alone.

Her phone began vibrating in her hand. Octavia. Of course, she would call at 7 am. The girl had probably already gotten a full work out in while Clarke was ready to eat an entire box of donuts by herself.

Reluctantly, Clarke answered the call. She pressed the phone against the side of her face as she sat down on a bench ready to be lectured.

"Where the hell have you been?!" Octavia exclaimed still sounding a bit out of breath. She must have just finished her normal 3-mile run. Clarke scoffed quietly at the thought of running 3 miles almost every day for fun. She had no idea how the girl did it. It made Clarke exhausted just thinking about it.

"I was in the studio and lost track of time. It's no big deal." Clarke sighed really regretting not stopping for coffee.

"Not a big deal?" Octavia retorted, scoffing at Clarke like she had just confessed to murdering someone. "Raven and I have been trying to get a hold of you since yesterday! Even Murphy was worried about you and he never cares about anyone." Octavia informed her clearly pissed.

"Look I'm sorry. I'll let you guys know next time." Clarke sighed just wanting to throw the phone in a fountain. She definitely would have considered throwing it if it wasn't a brand new phone and her mom threatened that next time the phone broke, she wouldn't buy Clarke a new one.

"You better. We are all worried about you Clarke. You are family." Octavia's voice grew softer.

Octavia was there through it all. She knew Clarke's dad. He was like her own dad since he was a deadbeat. He cared for Octavia and her older brother Bellamy. Octavia was with Clarke the night her mom called saying there had been an accident. Octavia held her hand the entire way to the hospital, fighting back her own tears for the sake of Clarke. Octavia stood next to Clarke at the funeral and held her up when her legs failed her. Octavia was there the weeks and months after that Clarke couldn't even get out of bed. Octavia was always there.

"I know. I know." Clarke sighed holding her head in her free hand. "I'm sorry O. I didn't mean to scare you."

"It's alright but Raven might need a little more convincing. She is pretty pissed." Octavia informed the blonde. Clarke heard a more lighthearted tone in her voice than before. "Meet for coffee at Grounders?" O asked Clarke.

"Yea see you in a few." Clarke slid her phone back into her bag before standing up. Raven Reyes was going to kill her. Clarke knew that for a fact. Raven would be there for coffee. Octavia happened not to mention it because she knew Clarke wouldn't show, fearing for her life but Clarke knew.

Raven and Clarke met after Jake died. It Clarke's first frat party freshman year. Clarke and Octavia had gotten there early due to Bellamy forgetting to buy ice. They toured the very disgusting house and when they reached the living room, there was Raven Reyes sitting on the old couch with a red solo cup already in hand. Somehow they started talking and Clarke spilled that her dad had died. Raven, only half paying attention, told Clarke she was halfway to being Batman. Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the comment and considering she was a few seconds away from tears, it was much needed. Clarke couldn't hold it against Raven and they have been friends ever since. Raven hit nicely in with Clarke's family and they welcomed her with open arms. Clarke knows her mom, whether she admits it or not, loves having Raven around.

Clarke opened the door to Grounders and found her two best friends already arguing over something. Probably something stupid. Monty, the local coffee boy, handed over a nice warm cup to Clarke. She tipped him since he refused any other form of payment, always taking her drinks out of his paycheck. Clarke sat down next to Octavia ignoring the suddenly stopped conversation. She ignored the glare Raven gave her and ignored the pity glance Octavia threw her way. She ignored them both just waiting for one of them to say something.

Clarke sipped her coffee and stared out the window. She had an amazing view of the women's soccer team seniors practicing. They were hoping to go for another championship. At least that's what Octavia told Clarke. Clarke never followed sports except for football. Any other sport was too damn complicated and Clarke was out of breath just from watching them, especially soccer. It didn't help the soccer team's case that they were big into partying and hooking up casually. Octavia was the one exception on the team even though from time to time, she could get a little sloppy.

"So Clarke, how was your night?" Raven asked with a very slight bitter tone to her voice. Clarke peeled her eyes from the soccer team and finally looked at Raven Rayes. She had an eyebrow raised and held her stare. Raven had a specialty stare that could last for hours. Everyone knew never to have a staring contest with Raven considering it could easily end with you being blind.

"Not too bad. Got a few sketches down. Nothing good enough for class though." Clarke informed her before taking another sip of her coffee. Octavia glanced between the two girls knowing how they could blow up on each other. It didn't happen often but it had happened and it might as well been world war 3.

It wasn't like Clarke meant to piss Raven off, she just did. Whether it be disappearing for days or sleeping with the guy Raven had been pining over since freshman year. Unintentionally, of course. Things just happened and Clarke really didn't care but Raven did. Raven was protective even when Clarke slept with Finn. Raven knew how much a jerk Finn was and had Clarke's back through it all. Sure it led to their biggest fight but Raven just wanted to keep Clarke safe and Finn Collins was definitely the opposite of safe.

Things just happened and Raven would get mad and protective which only made Clarke mad which never ended well. Raven always had the best intentions at heart just not the best execution style. Octavia acted as the buffer for the two. Octavia was needed to keep the friendship at a nice balance. Without Octavia, things went to shit and all the girls knew it.

"You should have texted one of us so we knew. Went to bed, you were there. Wake up at four to pee, you are gone. People worry about you Clarke, realize that." Raven told her pushing her coffee off to the side. She stole a piece of Octavia's bagel as some sports team ran by and she drooled over them. Raven and Clarke couldn't help but laugh at Octavia. She had been drooling over the same guy for months. The same guy that came in after his run to grab a quick bite to eat before heading to practice. She refused to approach him.

"Alright. I'm sorry. I should have let you guys know. I would say it won't happen again but I think we all know it will so why lie." Clarke said shrugging a bit. Both of her friends nodded. Clarke was back in both of their good graces. "So Rae tell us about this girl you've been seeing." Clarke exclaimed ready to change the topic away from her.

Raven shrugged her shoulders, not really giving the girls a straight answer. Raven definitely didn't like to talk about her feelings and what not. She was a closed book that only got opened a few times. Clarke and Octavia had gotten used to prying information out of her and knowing when to stop prying. If they had learned one thing about Raven Rayes it's that if you pry too much, she will run and disappear for days. They learned that the hard way and never again did that.

"Do we get to meet her?" Octavia asked trying to get a little bit out of her. Raven just shrugged again. Her face immediately lit up when runner boy came walking in.

"You can meet her when you get runner boys number." Raven told Octavia nodding towards the very tall and muscular guy standing at the counter. While Octavia focused on his muscles, Clarke focused on his tattoos and how amazingly detailed they were. They were better than anything she had seen in a while. "So Octavia you want to meet the girl or not?" Raven asked her. Octavia glanced from Raven to Clarke to the guy leaning against the counter.

Octavia huffed, stood up and walked over muttering the entire way how she was strong independent and how girls should be able to ask guys for their numbers without getting backlash and if the guy had a problem with that then he wasn't right for her. She approached the counter and looked at the different food options. Clarke and Raven watched from their table as the guy moved a bit towards the side. He pointed at something in the display case before smiling and saying something to Octavia. She nodded clearly not interested in buying food.

Octavia said something and the two friends watched as he laughed and looked there way. They both immediately diverted their gaze but it was too late. They had been caught and Octavia had gotten his number. The friends watched as he grabbed the bag from Monty and walked out making sure to wave as he passed Clarke and Raven. Octavia returned to her seat with a triumphant smile on her face.

"So Rae, when are we meeting your girl?"


	2. Chapter 2

Clarke looked all around her as her two friends bickered while walking back to their apartment. The ideas continued to flood her mind and she couldn't stop them. Every time someone caught her eye, she thought of a new idea. No matter where she looked or what she thought of, she always thought of new ideas.  
Clarke watched some of the women's soccer team stretch out after a long pickup game. She watched as a guy shifted for probably the fifth time as he read on a bench. The girl walking her pug caught Clarke's eye next. Then there was the boy on his skateboard, weaving in and out of people.

Octavia and Raven were long gone and long forgotten about. Clarke pulled out her sketchbook and sat down on the bench. She looked at all the people around her. She watched them trying to capture their most innocent and simple moment. But as soon as she put the pencil to the paper, her ideas were gone. Poof. Just like that. Disappeared right into mid-air. Instead of her ideas, all Clarke could see was her dad. His eyes stared at her. She could see the disappointment so clearly. The disappointment wasn't something Clarke could forget. There were so many times she saw that look. She knew the look like the back of her hand and she hated it. Once she saw it, she couldn't forget about it until the next morning.

Clarke sat there staring down at her sketchbook. She didn't realize how long she had been sitting there until the women's soccer team came walking out of the locker room looking fresh and put together. The guy was no longer reading on the bench. The girl and her pug were long gone and the boy with his skateboard was passed out on the bench opposite her. It was already getting dark. How long had Clarke been sitting there? Too long. Octavia and Raven were probably getting worried. Again.

Clarke carefully closes her sketchbook. Her empty sketchbook. It was the longest she had gone without drawing. Three years without drawing anything. Three years her dad had haunted her thoughts.

Clarke slipped her bag back over her shoulder before standing up from the bench. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and began responding to all the texts. Old and new. Some from Octavia. Others from Raven. A lot from her mom and Bellamy. Clarke started her walk back to her apartment, casually listening in on passing conversations while she went through the messages, ignoring the many from her mom. 

"I can't go to the party tonight." One of the soccer girls told her teammates.

"You mean the big bad commander is skipping a party to what? Study?" Another girl laughed. Stupid nickname Clarke noted. Where does that even come from?

Clarke had just pressed send on a text to Raven, telling her best friend that she would be home soon when she collided with quite a solid object. Her phone and sketchbook dropped from her hands before she landed with a thud on the concrete, on her ass. That was going to leave a mark Clarke thought.  
Clarke looked up to see what, rather who, she collided with. Clarke studied her up and down. Clearly was a soccer player due to her amazing body and rock-solid back. Clarke remembers seeing her on the field when she would stop by Octavia's practices. She was the captain. The commander. The soccer player bent down to grab Clarke's now shattered phone.

"Oh yikes." The girl said handing it back to Clarke. Clarke watched as she reached for the sketchbook. Clarke scrambled to get to it before she did. The girl quickly withdrew her hand as she noticed Clarke going for it.

"Get some commander." One of the other girls exclaimed as she walked away from the two. How barbaric Clarke thought, shoving her sketchbook into her bag.

"Sorry about that." She laughed causing her green eyes to scrunch up a bit. "They mean well." She told Clarke offering her hand. Clarke ignored it and picked herself up off the ground. "Alright then." The girl muttered pulling her hand away.

Clarke stared down at her phone. It wasn't turning back on and it never would. Well, that was phone eight in the last three months. Clarke knew her mom would be pissed. She had told Clarke before she wasn't going to buy her a new one. Then again, she said that every time Clarke broke a phone.

"I'm Lexa by the way." The girl... Lexa said shoving her hands into the front pockets of her black skinny jeans. Clarke knew girls like her. They all played the same game. Clarke wasn't going to fall for it. She was better than that. "So, art major huh?" Lexa asked still trying to make small talk.

"Yeah. Not a very good one." Clarke sighed letting it slip out.

"You wouldn't be here if you weren't good." Lexa countered clearly trying to make Clarke feel better.

"Guess so." Clarke shrugged. "Have a good night." She stepped around Lexa to continue walking back to her apartment. There was definitely a noticeable limp now. Clarke made a mental note to check for any bruising.

Lexa remained quiet as Clarke walked away. Even though Clarke didn't want to admit it, she did glance back. Lexa was definitely gorgeous. Gorgeous enough to be a model but it was obvious she wasn't into that stuff. She definitely was on the more tomboy side of the spectrum.  
The entire walk home, Clarke couldn't help but think about her green eyes. There was something so familiar and calming about them. They reminded Clarke of the forest, as cliché as it was, and Clarke just loved that. All the times her dad would take her camping after rough weeks at school, for her, and work, for him. During the nicer months, Clarke could convince him to sleep outside the tent, under the stars that barely peaked out from around the trees and all of their leafy glory. Clarke's dad would point out constellations and tell the stories behind them. Sometimes, they would make up stories if he wasn’t sure of the story behind the stars.

Clarke loved those camping trips. Just her and her dad. Nothing could beat the feeling of a terrible week and a weekend spent in nature when the one person she always knew could understand her. They would hike and fish and Clarke would tell him about different colors and how to use them so they work together. She would tell him all the problems going on in her life and the endless drama at school and her dad would listen, patiently, and give her the best advice he could think of and if he couldn’t think of anything, he would hug her and tell her that he believed she would get through it. Clarke loved those camping trips with her dad when she was younger but now all they did was haunt her to no end. 

Clarke’s memories were interrupted as soon as she opened the door. She was met by her bickering friends. Octavia was sitting next to Raven who was cuddled up next to some girl. Murphy and Bellamy were arguing about something, probably something stupid, Clarke noted. Jasper was most likely ready to join the argument. Monty, sweet Monty, sat there on his phone.

Clarke dropped her bag and plopped herself down next to Monty. Immediately regretting it. Her leg was killing her. Octavia and Raven both noticed her wince. They looked at each other and Clarke knew they were going to be all over her about what happened to her.

"What's wrong?" Octavia asked getting everyone's attention. Even Murphy and Bellamy stopped fighting and looked over at Clarke. Octavia got up from the couch and made her way over to Clarke.

"Nothing. I'm fine." Clarke tried shifting her weight to the less hurt leg but it only caused her to wince again. "I just fell. It's no big deal." Clarke tried to shrug them off. Raven and Octavia, of course, got her up from the couch and dragged her back into Octavia's room.

"Let's see," Raven said motioning for Clarke to drop her pants so they could see how bad it was. Clarke rolled her eyes, knowing they wouldn't give up on this until she dropped her pants and showed them her legs. She unbuttoned her jeans and slid them down her legs. "Jesus Clarke!" Raven exclaimed bending down to look closer at the bruises.

"What the hell did you fall on?" Octavia asked dropping down with Raven.

"My ass hit concrete. What do you expect." Clarke scoffed at her friends. Clarke didn't think it was that big of a deal. Sure, they were bruised pretty badly but it wasn't so bad. "You guys know I bruise easily. Pale skin and all." Clarke pulled her jeans all the way off before slipping into some comfy sweatpants.   
Octavia seemed to find that answer acceptable and left the room. Raven stood there waiting for Clarke to finish her hair. Clarke glanced up at her.

"You sure you are okay?" Raven asked with a softer tone to her voice. Clarke liked the softer version of Raven. It was the version of Raven she only got behind closed doors but she didn't mind.

"Yeah, Rae I'm good," Clarke said hugging her best friend. Raven hugged her tightly.

Raven always tried to come across as a badass. Clarke could sense that it was from her rough childhood of bouncing to different foster homes before landing with the Wicks. But that was never confirmed because Raven didn't like to talk about her past. Any time it was brought up, she would say some line about how life is supposed to be lived in the present and not focused on the past. Clarke knew that Raven held a lot in but she never pushed her. If Raven wanted to talk about something, then she would talk about it, she didn't need to be pushed by anyone. 

Raven took her spot back on the couch next to the girl Clarke still hadn't been introduced to properly at least. Clarke had run into her the hallway once on her way back to Raven's room but she was butt naked so the conversation never really started. Plus, she was a random hookup for Raven that night so not many   
details were shared.

Clarke walked into the kitchen where Monty had his nose in his phone. She glanced her his shoulder to see who he was texting. Monty pulled the phone away from her. She looked at him and he gave in. Clarke read the name at the top. Brandon Miller. Clarke had heard of him before. He was on the football team. The captain to be exact. Clarke gave Monty a bit of a smirk which caused him to blush. He just shook his head before turning his attention back to the phone.  
Clarke watched all of her friends as they went on with their normal lives. She really started watching them after he had died. She would study them to the point where she could from the slightest movement what they were going to do or say or how they were feeling. It was something she enjoyed. She liked knowing them better than anyone. She liked memorizing them because it meant if anything ever happened, she could remember everything about them and not forget the slightest detail.

Octavia always said Clarke liked to watch people because she was an artist and that's what artist do in order to get inspiration. But it was more than that for Clarke. As the years went by after Jake died, Clarke realized she couldn't remember some of the simplest things about him. She couldn't remember things her and her mom used to tease him about. She was forgetting him and that was something she didn't think was possible but it was happening and there wasn't a thing Clarke could do about it. All she could do was hold on to his watch as her last reminder of him. That was all she had left of him.

"Anya and I are going to bed so try and keep it down," Raven announced pulling the other girl off the couch.

"Shouldn't we be telling you to keep it down?" Murphy asked throwing in the slightest laugh. Raven shot him a death glare before she disappeared down the hallway.

"I should probably get going," Bellamy said standing up from the floor. "Monty and Jasper, you guys coming?" Bell asked grabbing his keys from the kitchen counter. Both of the boys nodded their heads. They all hugged and said their good nights. And shortly after, Octavia went to her room saying she needed to fall asleep before Raven got too loud.

Murphy and Clarke sat together out on the balcony. Murphy smoked but Clarke refused.

"So, Clarke Griffin, how have you been?" Murphy asked her after puffing out some smoke. "And don't give me the "I'm fine" crap. I don't roll with bullshit." Murphy clarified. That's what Clarke always liked about John Murphy, he didn't deal with anyone's bullshit. He was brutally honest and didn't care who he pissed off. But he cared about his friends and whether he admitted it or not, he always had a soft spot for Clarke.

"I'm alright." Clarke shrugged playing with her dad's watch that was just a little too big for her wrist. She glanced up at Murphy who gave the slightest look. "I still haven't drawn anything and I'm pretty sure I'm about to lose my scholarship because of it." Clarke paused for a moment. "Because of him." Clarke sighed admitting that her dad was the reason she hadn't drawn a thing in a good three years.

"Well Griffin, something is still haunting you about his death. You clearly feel guilty about it for some reason. And the only way you are going to get over it is to face it head-on. Figure out why you feel so guilty about it and go from there." Murphy, the psychology major, told her. He was going to be a great therapist and no one knew it except for Clarke and Emori. They were the only two who knew why Murphy was here. The only two who saw his soft side.

"You are going to help a lot of people one day, John Murphy," Clarke told him with a smile on her face. He shrugged before putting the cigarette out. He glanced down at his phone.

"You going to be alright, Griff?" He asked. Clarke knew if she said no, he wouldn't leave, no matter what that text said. But if she said yes, he would know she was lying.

"Yea I'll be alright, eventually." She told him staring at some people walking throughout the campus. Those green eyes were still all she could think about.

"I'll see you later then." He said patting her on the shoulder as he walked out. Clarke sat out there for a little while longer, truly thinking about the words Murphy said. Maybe he was right, Clarke thought. Maybe she was holding on to guilt.

Clarke wrote a note and left in on the counter before walking to the art studio. She didn't want Octavia and Raven to worry the second day in a row. Tonight, was going to be different for Clarke. She was going to paint something if it was the last thing she did.

Not many people were walking on campus seeing it was 3 am. A few drunks scattered here and there but none of them gave her trouble. Polis University was always a relaxed place where people didn't have to worry a lot. Clarke got lost looking up at the clear night sky and all the stars. Jake would always take Clarke outside on clear nights. They would lay in the grass and he would point out different constellations and tell her all the stories behind them. He would tell Clarke that the stars had the powers to grant wishes and they shined so brightly because they held everyone's hopes and dreams. He always pointed out a star that he said was just for Clarke and soon enough it was. On her 12th birthday, he bought a star and named it Clarke. Clarke always looked at the star whenever she could. She would wish upon it for her dreams to come true.

The first few weeks after Jake's death, Clarke would wish for him back but when the wish never came true, Clarke gave up. The star paper sat buried under drawings and some of her writing and some songs. Clarke gave up on the star and she gave up on her dreams.  
Clarke unlocked the key to the art studio. All thanks to one of the art teachers who saw Clarke's potential even when she hadn't drawn a solid thing in three years. Clarke pushed open the door and flipped the lights on. She grabbed some supplies that were scattered throughout the room. She set them down next to her canvas.

Clarke had the entire drawing outlined in an hour. She carefully chose the perfect shade of green. Clarke dipped her brush in the paint before bringing it to the middle of the canvas. Jake flashed through her mind. He stared at her. But it was different than before. It was an encouraging stare. Like he was saying to let go and paint.

Each stroke of the paintbrush felt better than the one before. She was focused on the green in front of her. In the middle of her breakthrough, the art studio door slammed shut. Clarke took a step back from the canvas, clearly startled. She looked over at the door. Costia.

"Sorry, Griff. Didn't mean to interrupt." Costia exclaimed walking over to her project in the works.

Clarke took a deep breath and stepped away from the canvas. Jake. He flashed through her mind again. Disappointment back on his face. Clarke dropped the paintbrush. She grabbed her stuff from the floor and walked out leaving a very confused Costia who just stared at the work in progress Clarke had just left. She muttered something about it being good but Clarke was already out the door to hear her say it. Clarke ran out of the studio so fast, she ran into someone.

"Woah slow down there, art major," Lexa exclaimed steadying Clarke out. She snapped Clarke back into reality. Her breath returned to normal and she no longer saw Jake.

"Sorry," Clarke muttered pulling herself away from Lexa.

"You look like you've seen a ghost." Lexa laughed clearly joking. She had no idea thought Clarke. "You alright, art major?" Lexa asked her still with one hand gripping Clarke.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Clarke pulled herself completely away from the commander. "What time is it?" She asked Lexa realizing she had forgotten her phone back at the apartment.

"10:30." Lexa glanced down at her watch and back up at Clarke. Had Clarke really been in the studio that long?

"Thanks." Clarke sighed happily she didn't miss a class. She started to walk away from Lexa but Lexa only followed.

Clarke tried to ignore the girl next to her but it was extremely hard. Her presence was overbearing. She was strong and confident in who she was. That was obvious to anyone. It didn't help that she was known to hook up with random girls. Clarke didn't need that rumor following her around.

"So, do I get a name today or am I going to keep calling you art major every time I run into you?" Lexa asked breaking their silence. Clarke looked over at her. She stopped walking and turned to Lexa.

"I know your games. I know how you work, Lexa Woods. Your reputation follows you everywhere. I don't play games so no you aren't going to get my name because I'm not a girl that's going to fall for you." Clarke said with a bitter and a tad bit harsh tone in her voice. Lexa was definitely taken back by Clarke. When Lexa didn't say anything, Clarke took that as an opportunity.

"Glad we are on the same page."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa is baffled and Clarke is curious

Clarke walked back into her apartment with a coffee in hand. She immediately collapsed on the couch, carefully to not flop too hard since her ass and thighs were still bruised. Octavia was on the couch opposite her. She raised an eyebrow at the paint splattered over Clarke's clothes but didn't say a word. She did, however, glance up at Raven who looked just as surprised as she did. It was an unusual occurrence for Clarke to come home with paint splattered all over her.

Clarke didn't really notice her friends staring. She was to busy enjoying the couch after standing for what felt like an entire day now. Raven shrugged before saying bye to her friends and leaving for class. Octavia was never one to keep her questions or opinions to herself.

"Did you paint something last night?" Octavia asked her sitting up from the couch.

"I painted some. Didn't finish it though. I got interrupted by Costia." Clarke said with a rather bitter tone to her voice.

"Oh boy. I really hope Costia is still living and you didn't bury her somewhere?" Octavia joked with a bit of a worried tone.

"No, I didn't kill her." Clarke sighed mumbling something about how she could have but didn't. "You're on the soccer team," Clarke stated.

"Well, I would hope so." Octavia retorted with a snarkiness to her voice. "Why?" She asked the blonde.

"What do you know about Lexa Woods?" Clarke bit the inside of her cheek waiting for the answer. The one thing everyone liked about Octavia was how blunt she was. If she didn't like someone or didn't trust someone, then everyone knew that was the truth. She didn't give any politically correct and she, sure enough, wasn't shy in sharing her opinion.

"Um, she's the captain of the soccer team and is insanely smart. I'm talking full ride here. Polis doesn't just hand those out." Octavia told her, but she had a feeling that's not what Clarke wanted to know. "She sleeps around quite a bit but according to the girls on the team, she hasn't been to a lot of parties. In fact, she has been skipping them. Doesn't trust many people due to an ex-situation that no one really knows about except for Luna, I think, and she is overall a decent person. Insanely passionate about soccer, obviously." Clarke knew Octavia added the last part about soccer for her own sake. Octavia knew why Clarke was asking about Lexa but didn't want to make it known. 

Clarke didn't say anything back. For one, she had to get to class soon. She also didn't really know why she wanted that information. She grabbed her bag from the floor and walked out. Clarke really wished she had gotten more sleep considering she probably hadn't gotten enough sleep in the past 48 hours.

Clarke walked into her class which was in the art studio. Her unfinished piece was still sitting there. Her teacher, favorite teacher, nodded towards the painting. Clarke shrugged sitting down in front of it. She stared at the green eyes that were captivating.

"These projects are your final projects for the semester so make it good." The teacher said walking around the room.

Clarke picked up the paintbrush, twirling through her fingers. She stared at the canvas and those stupid green eyes. She stared and stared and stared until all she saw was Jake. He was the only thing she could see. Clarke stared at him and thought about what Murphy said. What was Clarke holding on to? Guilt? Anger? Regret? No matter how hard she tried, Clarke could never pinpoint her emotions with her dad's death.

Clarke dipped the paintbrush in a lighter blue; the color of his eyes; the color of her eyes. She began painting the guilt she felt every time she saw him and every time he stared at her with a disappointed look. A darker blue was for the anger Clarke felt. The complete and utter anger she felt when she realized he was coming to pick her up. The anger Clarke felt when she was told it was her fault by her own grandmother. The darkest blue was the regret. The regret of not saying I love you before she went to Octavia's. The regret of their stupid fight the day before. The regret of ever going to Octavia's that night.

_"I don't see the big deal!" A young Clarke exclaimed. She couldn't understand why her mom wanted her to study science and medicine so badly. "I like art. I'm good at art. Why can't you see that I hate medicine." Clarke scoffed and crossed her arms._

_"It's not that, Clarke." Jake Griffin stepped in before the fight became a bloodbath. "We are upset because you have a D in biology right now. You are better than a D student." He informed her holding up the failure notice. Clarke admitted before she really hadn't studied for the class and most of the time, Clarke was skipping the class in order to work on her art._

_"We are going to take away your art supplies if you don't get the grades up." Abby Griffin threatened. Clarke knew to take her mom's threats seriously. She was the woman who once threw away Clarke's $300 paints. She replaced them the next week but still. She was one who shouldn't be messed with. "We raised you better than this Clarke Emilia Griffin. We are disappointed in you." Clarke winced at her mother's words. No child, especially Clarke who liked impressing her parents, liked to hear they were a disappointment. That made Clarke's blood boil. She did everything her parents asked and never crossed the line._

_"Well sorry, I'm such a disappointment to you!" Clarke exclaimed feeling the tears about to fall._

_"Honey, you aren't a disappointment." Jake tried to reassure Clarke but there was nothing he could do. He glanced up at his wife. The good cop, bad cop routine was already in full swing and there was no amount of looks he could give his wife that would change that._

_Abby Griffin was always hard on her daughter. Jake and Abby both knew it was because she saw a lot of herself in Clarke. Jake and Clarke might be similar now but when Abby was younger, she was Clarke. She made mistakes that she didn't want Clarke to make which is why she was always hard on her daughter. Abby had too many past demons that she didn't want Clarke to end up with. She had the best intention but never executed them properly._

_"You heard her! I'm not like you guys. You are smart and like science and medicine. I'm just the mess up daughter that likes art. We all know you would switch me and Wells. You would take him over me any day!" Clarke yelled bringing up her late brother. He was definitely more like her parents than Clarke was. "I bet you wish it was me that night and not him!" Clarke yelled through the tears._

_"That's not true, honey." Jake sighed glancing at his wife who was sobbing now. Jake_ _wen_ _t to hug Clarke but she backed away._

_"I'm going to_ _Octavia's_ _," Clarke muttered practically running out the front door. Jake called after her but it was useless. Clarke was stubborn just like him and there was no stopping her. He would go after her later. He planned to pick her up from Octavia's, take her to her favorite ice cream place, talk for a while and take her home like he did after every fight._

With each brush stroke, Clarke felt a little bit lighter but at the same time heavier. As if the painting was reminding her of everything she did wrong before he died. Of everything, she could have done differently so he would still be here. Clarke blamed herself more and more with each brush stroke. Each stroke showed how she felt. Each stroke represented every single time her mother cried. Every single time Clarke was told it was her fault. Every single time Clarke held her sobs in not wanting to upset her mom.

The entire canvas was painted and Clarke stepped back. The blue encompassed the green eyes, bringing out a bit of a sparkle. The green eyes were the calm in the rage and anger of the blue. The earth calming the sea. Clarke set her brush down. She could feel the tears streaming down her face. Her entire class was staring at her silently. Clarke hadn't painted a single thing in three years.

Clarke stared at the painting as her teacher walked towards her. Everyone took that as a cue to get back to work. They all stopped staring except for Costia.

"It's a masterpiece Clarke." Her teacher whispered staring at the artwork. "I knew you had it in you." She placed a reassuring hand on Clarke's shoulder and for once Clarke didn't shrug away.

Once their teacher walked away, Costia walked up to Clarke. She stood there silently for a while, staring at the piece.

"I know you've had a hard time painting because of your dad and all but I'm glad you found some inspiration," Costia said still staring at the piece. Specifically the green eyes in the center of the canvas. "Whoever they are, hold on to them because they brought something out that was buried in you and that needs to be shared with the world, Griff," Costia told her now looking at Clarke. She turned away from the canvas and away from Clarke. "Only wish it could have been me." She muttered before walking back to her own artwork.

Clarke stared at her in disbelief. Costia and Clarke hadn't had a nice conversation since before their breakup back in the summer going into their sophomore year. The breakup that led Clarke to sleep with Finn Collins and start all the drama between her and Raven. That summer was a summer that all the friends wish they could forget.

Costia and Clarke met at an art program the summer before they both were to start at Polis. Clarke had signed up for it before Jake's death and she needed to get out of the house and away from her family. Clarke and Costia instantly hit it off. Costia made Clarke smile and laugh a lot which was something Clarke hadn't done in a while. Costia was the first person Clarke told about her father's death. She brought out the happier side of Clarke so her family loved her. Freshman year, Clarke's friends adopted Costia into their little family. So much so that Costia and Octavia would go on runs together. Raven even offered to fix Costia's car when it broke down.

Everything was great and then it wasn't. Summer going into sophomore year, Clarke went home for most of the summer. Her and Costia would take turns visiting each other. A few weeks before they were to return to school, Costia showed up at the Griffins door, unexpectedly. She had to tell Clarke she had cheated on her. Raven had caught her back at Polis in bed with a girl from the soccer team. Raven, being Raven, threatened to beat her up which Clarke obviously didn't allow. Clarke would be lying if she didn't say that she definitely considered it. But that was that. They fought. Clarke cried. Costia cried. They were done.

Her friends all despised Costia. The first few weeks back sophomore year, Octavia and Bellamy had to hold Raven back so she wouldn't kick her ass. But Clarke got over it and so did her friends. And that was that. Now they were practically strangers who shared a glance or two.

Clarke wiped the tears from her face. She grabbed her stuff and left the studio. She couldn't stand to stare at the painting any longer. She walked out and immediately regretted it. Lexa was sitting on a bench right by the door. Lexa's head snapped up when the door slammed shut. She started with a smirk but that quickly dropped when she saw Clarke.

"You alright, art major?" She asked Clarke still sticking with the nickname. Clarke didn't say anything. She just sat down. Lexa scooted over not wanting to invade her personal space. "Looks like you painted a lot today," Lexa stated trying to make the situation less awkward. "You always have paint under your nails when you actually paint," Lexa informed her. Clarke looked down at her nails and sure enough, the paint was stuck under them. "Painting any good?" She asked Clarke.

"Probably the best one I've done in a while," Clarke told Lexa standing up from the bench. "I'll see you around, Lexa," Clarke said walking away from the commander who just stared.

Lexa had no clue what had just happened to her. Even in the most awkward and uncomfortable situations, Lexa always found something to talk about. But with the art major, it was like she was a different person. She could not think of a single thing to say which definitely didn't put her anywhere near getting that girls name, let along in her pants. Lexa just didn't understand how the art major could make her speechless like that.

Lexa stared at Clarke as she walked. Something kicked on inside of her and she ran to catch up. Clarke was a good 20 feet away but Lexa caught up with ease.

"I think you need to take some of your stress out," Lexa told her throwing an arm around the blonde's shoulders. Clarke glanced over at her with a pissed off look. Lexa remained firm. "I am known as quite the stress reliever," Lexa informed her. Clarke wanted nothing to do with Lexa at the moment. She didn't even have the drive to push her away.

"I'll pass," Clarke muttered just barely loud enough for Lexa to hear. Lexa was a bit taken back, letting her arm fall away from the girl. Most girls jumped at the opportunity to sleep with her. Hell, girls threw themselves at her and there was a little art major passing at an opportunity so many girls wished for. She stopped walking next to the art major, watching her walk away from her.

Lexa was baffled.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dots are beginning to be connected and Clarke really wishes they weren't, so does Lexa.

Lexa walked on to the soccer field still feeling a little weird about the art major rejecting her. It had never happened before. Lexa was the girl that everyone wanted to be or sleep with. There was never a real in between and that's why she didn't have many friends. She had hookups. Monday's were Niylah, Tuesday's were Luna, Wednesday was a break and Thursday was Harper and the weekend was whoever caught her eye. She wouldn't admit that she was a player but Lexa was definitely a player. She walked into the locker room where the entire team was waiting.

Lexa set her bag down next to Octavia. Octavia was good. She was almost Lexa good. Lexa had full faith that she would be able to lead the team next year, especially under Lexa's wing this year.

"Ready for the game?" Lexa asked Octavia, sitting down. She slipped out of her warmup and put her jersey on. Lexa noticed Harper, Niylah, and Luna all stare at her. She smirked and nudged Octavia. She responded with a simple eye roll. Lexa and Octavia both know Lexa definitely tried to get into her pants when they first met but they do not talk about it. Lexa is sure some of the girls on the team would actually kill Octavia for passing up the chance to sleep with the commander. 

"Keep the whoring to a minimum tonight," Octavia told her, laughing. "We need to win so we can win the championship."

"I'll try my hardest but it is Tuesday," Lexa informed her glancing over at Luna. She threw a wink her way and Luna immediately started blushing. Lexa had that girl under her thumb. It was too easy for her.

"Hey, commander." Niylah walked past Lexa and Octavia. She ran her hand across Lexa's leg. Lexa wasn't phased by it.

Ignoring the glances from the girls, Lexa slid her shin guards under her socks before she ties her cleats. The music in the locker room stops playing as Lexa slides the captain's armband on to her arm. She takes the black paint out of her bag and hands it to Octavia. Carefully, Octavia puts Lexa's war paint around her eyes. It had become a tradition with the two of them. Each game they wore black paint around their eyes that made them look like warriors. It became a tradition for them. The captain and the captain's successor would always wear the paint. Lexa wore it last year when Anya was captain and so forth. 

Octavia handed the paint back to Lexa so she could do her paint. Lexa had definitely mastered the younger girl's war paint. So much so, that it only took her a few minutes. All the girls wished to be Octavia whenever they did this. To be that close to Lexa was a privilege that only a few got and Octavia was one of the lucky ones, according to the girls. To have Lexa's fingers delicately on her face, tracing the curves and the bone structure, leaving the black paint, was a privilege because she was Lexa Woods and even the straight girls wanted a chance to be with her.  

Lexa slid the paint back into her bag and stood up. Octavia followed closely behind. Everyone knew Octavia had the captain's armband practically in her back pocket for next year. Lexa had taken a liking to Octavia and everyone saw it. They knew it was because of Octavia's skill level almost matched the commanders, it was untouched by the rest of the girls. When she transferred last year, the rest of the girl's knew they didn't stand a chance. She was captain at her old school and after Lexa, she would be captain again. She was a force to be reckoned with but no one dared to touch her. 

"Alright everyone, listen up," Lexa said, as the girls gathered around her. "This team is tough and they like to sit back on their defense a lot but if we play how we practiced then we will kick some ass. Let's keep the fouls to a minimum today. Even if the Queens start it. Anyone gets a yellow, we will be running." Lexa was never the best at motivational speeches but the team feared running all practice. It had happened before thanks to Luna and Ontarie Queen getting into a fight.

It was bad, to say the least.

"Let's go out there and kick some ass!" Octavia yelled leading the way out of the locker room. Lexa walked out last behind all of her teammates. It was something she liked to do. It was a way to calm herself and silently prepare for the game. Lexa didn't like getting caught up in all the craziness before each of the games. She couldn't get involved in the craziness because it leads to her losing her cool and fouling more than the entire team combined. It was bad. Octavia learned this fact rather quickly. Without consulting Lexa, Octavia began leading the girls out of the locker room, giving Lexa a minute to compose herself. That sealed the deal of Octavia being Lexa's successor. 

Indra, the head soccer coach, gave them a little speech about not fouling and playing how they practiced before she gave out the starting line up. Octavia and Lexa were both starting. Everyone expected that. Lexa was the best midfielder and Octavia was the forward that she connected with the most. And everyone knew that every good midfielder needs a forward. Octavia was Lexa's forward. No doubt about it.

Lexa watched as Octavia waved to people in the stands. She followed her eyes up to who she was assuming the young forward's group of friends. She recognized Octavia's older brother, Bellamy. But what Lexa didn't expect is to recognize the blonde standing next to him. She stood there shocked at the girl next to Bellamy. None other than art major. She stared at the blonde. How could she not have known this? Octavia was friends with a girl that had rejected her. Surely, the blonde had told her friend about it.

Maybe Octavia was just being nice and not bringing it up or maybe the blonde didn't say a thing because she was already taken. Maybe she was dating Bellamy. Lexa knew he had quite the reputation. She wasn't one to talk but they were in a close race. Art major must have noticed her staring because she waved a little bit to Lexa. She even smiled.

Lexa turned her back to that side of the stands trying to clear her head. She ripped some grass out and let the wind take it. Whatever the wind didn't take she threw. Her and Octavia went through their pregame handshake before taking their respective spots on the field. Lexa glanced up at the stands right at the blonde before the ref blew the whistle. But the girl was already staring back. Lexa was certain she saw a little bit of an eyebrow raise. 

As soon as Lexa hears the whistle, she goes right into commander mode. Slide tackles are already happening left and right. Any chance Lexa gets, she tells her team to cool it down. She doesn't want to run just as much they don't want to run. Inbetween the slide tackles and the elbows being thrown and the jersey grabbing, Queen gets a few shots off at goal before Lexa has had enough. She descends on the backline, hunting down the ball and gracefully taking it from the Queen herself. She can hear Ontarie scream fuck you at her but she ignores. Lexa passes the ball off to Octavia who sends her a nice through ball that connects with Lexa's foot at the perfect moment sailing right over the goalkeeper into the back of the net.

The teams go back and forth, taking shots on the other's goalkeepers. Each shot getting more difficult than the last but every time, they ball connects with some part of the goalkeeper and gets sent up the field or past a spraypainted white line. The game continues at 1-0 until Queen sends a ball in that gets deflected just enough to barely scrape past their goalkeeper and hit the back of the net. Lexa can feel her team becoming weighted down. She does her best to pick them back up but with two minutes left in the game, it is not an easy task. 

Octavia starts picking the girls back up, taking some of the weight off of Lexa's shoulders. Between Lexa and Octavia, the team is ready to get this game back even with two minutes plus stoppage time left. 

The ref blows the whistle and Lexa immediately finds Octavia who then finds Luna making a break. Lexa takes off running, throwing up the number two, signaling that she wanted Luna to give her a through ball with some air under it. She knows Luna knows exactly where she wants it too. Lexa dodges her way in between defenders until she knows she has enough room to make her run. She looks up at Luna right as she sends the ball in. Lexa pushes off her defender, getting just enough speed to be right there when the ball starts coming down. Lexa sends a header to the high right corner. The entire team holds their collective breath, watching the ball just skim past the bar and hit the back of the net. 

Lexa can't help but look up into the stands like the cocky asshole she is. She makes perfect eye contact with the blonde who just looks away. Point Lexa. Her teammates all jump on her. Lexa catches Octavia before throwing her fist into the air.

~~

Lexa walks out of the locker room and sees Octavia talking to her friends. She walks over and throws an arm around the young forward.

"You coming to the party?" Lexa asks more towards the blonde that Octavia.

"I don't know." Octavia sighs glancing at her friends.

"They can come. The more the better competition for beer pong." Lexa tells her now looking her friends. "Lord knows I need the competition." Lexa laughs, a clear dig at the rest of the team.

"Oh we are so going so I can kick her ass." The girl with dark brown hair exclaims high fiving some kid with shaggy hair. "Raven Reyes." The girl holds her hand for Lexa to shake. Lexa admires the bold move so she takes her hand. "So do you like making bets when it comes to beer pong because I have some great wagers," Raven asks her throwing an arm around Lexa leading her off the field. Monty shows up on the other side of Lexa since him and Raven are going to kick her ass.

The rest of the friends just laugh at Raven. They follow them to the party that is already in full swing by the time they get there. They would have gotten there sooner but the blonde just had to stop to pet some stray cats. The crowd of people cheer when they see Lexa and Octavia but mostly Lexa.

Raven drags Lexa over to the pong table and kicks the guys, who are currently playing, out. Lexa looks around for Octavia, her usual pong partner, but can't find her. She sees her blonde friend and drags her over.

"I suck at pong." The blonde tells Lexa glancing around for Octavia. Lexa hands her a cup.

"I'm sure you will be great," Lexa reassures her. "You can't be any worse than Octavia." Lexa laughs setting up the cups. Raven and Monty both look at the blonde and Lexa with devilish grins on their faces. That makes Lexa a bit nervous.

"So what are we betting?" Raven asks the two. Without missing a beat, she continues, "If you guys lose, you have to do body shots off of each other." Raven tells them.

"Okay." Lexa sighs already sensing the art major isn't thrilled about the idea. "When you guys lose you have to streak," Lexa told the two with a smirk on her face.

"Oh, so confident commander." Raven shot back even adding the nickname in for effect.

Before Lexa knew it, she was downing the last cup on their side. She looked up at Raven who had the biggest grin on her face. Everyone around them were cheering considering no one beat the commander at beer pong.

"It's science," Monty told Lexa as they walked into the kitchen.

Lexa hopped up on the counter and laid down. She tried not to think about all of the disgusting things that had most likely happened on this counter. She could see how unsure the blonde looked. Lexa grabbed her hand and gave it a little squeeze.

"Come on Clarke. Let's do this already!" Raven yelled handing her some liquor. Lexa pulled her shirt off and that only made Clarke more unsure. Clarke couldn't help but stare at the soccer players amazing body. Lexa was in shape and that wasn't a lie.

Raven poured the salt dangerously close to Lexa's boobs before sticking the lime in Lexa's mouth. Raven grabbed the tequila back from Clarke and poured some on Lexa's stomach. Clarke looked at her friend, ready to kill her. Lexa was so relaxed about it all. She didn't mind.

Clarke quickly got all the salt from Lexa's body and went for the tequila right away, getting the slightest underboob action. Lexa met Clarke half way and graciously gave her the lime, just barely tasting the blonde's lips. Clarke backed up quickly before practically running out of the room. Lexa grabbed her shirt, ignoring the sticky feeling on her stomach, and followed the girl out of the house, down the street until she found her sitting on a bench outside the art studio. Lexa slid her shirt back on and sat down.

"You alright art major?" Lexa asked keeping her distance. "Or I believe I heard your name was Clarke," Lexa said smiling at the fact she finally got the girls name.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Clarke lied. It was an obvious lie but Lexa didn't point it out. "Clarke Griffin." Lexa's head snapped up and she looked over at Clarke. Clarke Griffin and Raven Reyes. Clarke was too busy staring at the sky to notice Lexa staring at her.

"You dated Costia, didn't you?" Lexa asked, nervously. That got Clarke's attention away from the sky and to Lexa.

"Uh yeah." Clarke was confused. How would Lexa know that she dated Costia? Lexa hadn't even known Clarke's name until tonight. A pit grew in Clarke's stomach. She had an idea of why Lexa knew that information. She just didn't want to be right. "You the girl that my ex-slept with?" Clarke asked finally ripping off the band-aid. 

When Lexa didn't answer right away, Clarke looked over at her. The pause gave Clarke enough to know she was right. Lexa looked at Clarke no longer with confidence and ease. She was nervous and guilty.

"Uh yeah, I guess so."


	5. Chapter 5

Clarke hadn't seen Lexa in a few weeks except for when she went to Octavia's soccer games. Clarke was glad not to see Lexa that often. She was the reason her and Costia had broken up. She was the girl that Raven had caught in bed with Costia. Raven who buddied up to Lexa right away as if she didn't even remember or maybe she just chose to ignore it. Clarke wished she could ignore it but she couldn't and she could no longer paint again. All because of Lexa Woods.

"You gonna come to the party after the game tonight?" Octavia asked Clarke who sat on the couch with her eyes focused on the tv yet watching nothing. "Or are you gonna sit home again?" Octavia had noticed a change in her friends demeanor. It was like Jake's death all over again. Clarke was withdrawn from her friends and refused to leave her bed or the couch. She rarely went to her studio classes anymore. It was like she was watching it all over again.

Clarke didn't say anything. She wasn't paying enough attention to respond. She didn't have the energy to respond. She was just tired.

"Clarke." Octavia nearly screamed before throwing a pillow from the other couch and hitting Clarke right in the head.

"Sorry what?" Clarke asked finally looking at her extremely concerned friend.

"Never mind." Octavia sighed right as Raven and Anya walked out of Raven's room.

"Let's kick it!" Raven exclaimed wearing the custom-made jersey she had bought that read Blake on the back with Octavia's number. Raven looked at Clarke but the look on Octavia's face warned her not to ask.

"She's doing it again." Octavia sighed before grabbing her soccer bag and walking out. Raven nodded for Anya to go ahead of her.

Raven sat on the edge of the couch, blocking Clarke's view from the tv. Clarke didn't bother to look around her. If she did, Raven would most likely throw a remote at the tv and break their third tv just this school year.

"Come on. You need to come to Octavia's game." Raven told Clarke. The softer side of Raven was coming out. A rare sight. "I let it slide last game but it's not happening again. You are her best friend and her good luck charm so get your butt off this couch and let's go. I will drag you if I have to Clarke." Raven handed Clarke her paint-splattered converse. They were supposed to be white but years of wearing them to the art studio caused them to turn different colors other than white.

Clarke stared at her best friend. The head trauma caused some memory issues but Clarke can't seem to understand how Raven could forget what Lexa did. Maybe Raven didn't forget and she was just choosing to ignore the fact that Lexa was part of the reason for Clarke's ruined happiness. 

"Do you remember Lexa?" Clarke asked, biting the bullet finally. Raven sighed, looking down at the paint covered shoes. 

"At first, no but then I did, shortly after I "met" her," Raven adds air quotes around met, which Clarke wants to laugh at but she refuses to let this situation slide. "I guess part of me forgot about all of that and then I remembered but then I had this different version of Lexa in my head that wasn't so bad and I am dating her cousin so I guess I just let it slide, hoping you wouldn't realize or figure out," Raven says, keeping her eye contact with Clarke. 

They sit in silence for a minute. Clarke can feel the pressure between the two of them. It has never been easy sailing for Raven and Clarke's friendship but they truly are the best of friends, despite only knowing each other for two- almost three- years. They both become aware of Anya's presence. Clarke is the first to break their eye contact and glance up at Anya. She shifts uncomfortably at the talk of her cousin. 

"So, were you going to tell me or were you going to let me piece it all together myself?" Clarke asks Raven, once again ignoring Anya's presence in the room. 

"I don't know, Clarke!" Raven exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air with an exhausted sigh. "Lexa doesn't seem like the kind of person to sleep with someone who has a girlfriend. I just think there is more to the story than either of us know. We don't know what went down between those two but I am not one to pass judgment on someone I barely know, who seems like a pretty decent person. So maybe before you bite my head off for being friendly, talk to Lexa, get the whole story and then if I am wrong, bite my head off." Raven and Clarke squared off against each other, tensions very high. 

Clarke knew if she didn't let this go, it would become world war three between the two of them and she tried not to fight with Raven as much after almost losing her like she lost her dad and brother. Clarke took a few deep breaths before sliding her shoes on and lacing them up. 

"Fine, we are going to be late." Clarke sighed knowing she was Octavia's good luck charm and she didn't play as well when Clarke wasn't at the game. Clarke knew that she couldn't let her anger towards the entire situation take the focus off of Octavia; she had put up with enough of their fights.

Clarke offered Raven a hand up off the couch. Usually, Clarke had to help Raven off the couch especially after she got permanently placed in her brace. The whole injury happened their freshman year of college. It was quite the adjustment and reality check for the friends.

_"Have you heard from Raven lately?" Octavia asked Clarke as she grabbed her backpack from their floor. The two best friends_ _dormed_ _together freshman year before venturing to the apartment life and never looking back._

_"No I haven't but you know Rae, she will show up eventually." Octavia blew it off. She was used to Raven disappearing for extended periods of time. It was Raven. She would find a good party, meet a guy, drink too much and spend the next few days with whoever._

_"Yeah I know her but it's been a week since we last saw her." Clarke said clearly worried. Clarke was a natural worrier. After her brother's and dad's death, she didn't want to lose anyone else. That was enough so when people were gone for longer than a week, Clarke worried._

_"I'm sure she will be back today or tomorrow," Octavia told Clarke patting her shoulder as she walked out of their dorm room._

_Three more days passed and even Octavia was worried. None of the boys had heard from her. She never left for this long without checking in at least once. Octavia knew Clarke was getting worried, past the point of healthiness. Clarke wasn't eating or sleeping. Even Costia couldn't get her to move. She just sat and stared at the phone.  They constantly reassured her that Raven would call but with each day that passed, it seemed like they were trying to convince themselves more than Clarke._

_Finally, a week and a half later, Clarke's phone rang. It was an unknown number but Clarke answered anyway._

_"Is this ms. Clarke Griffin?" The person on the other side of the line asked._

_"Yes, this is." Clarke barely choked out. She knew this woman's voice all too well. She was a nurse at a hospital._

_"Hi yes, we have down that you are Raven_ _Rayes_ _emergency contact and we must inform you that there has been an accident involving Ms._ _Rayes_ _. If you could come to St._ _Johns_ _Hospital as soon as possible, that would be great." Raven was alive and that's all Clarke needed to finally breathe again._

_"I'll be there right away." Clarke grabbed the keys from the desk before Costia grabbed them from her hands. Clarke understood. She was in no condition to drive._

_Clarke gripped Costia's hand the entire hour-long drive to St. John's Hospital._ _Costia_ _didn't complain once which definitely gave her some brownie points with Octavia._

_The three girls ran into the hospital, with the boys close behind. The doctor asked for Clarke and only Clarke, no matter how much Octavia protested. Clarke was the emergency contact so she heard the news first. The doctor explained how Raven had been struck by a vehicle and was left on the side of the road for about six hours. She had a lot of damage in her one leg along with a minor head trauma. Overall, she was lucky to be alive. The brace was only a minor consequence of that night._

The two friends linked arms as they walked to the soccer field. The rest of their friends were already there and waiting for them. Clarke sat down next to Murphy. He smiled at her and placed his arm around her.

"Good to see you here today." He said to Clarke, pulling her a little closer to himself. Raven sat in front of Clarke and leaned back against her legs. Anya came walking up with two hot chocolates. She handed one of them to Raven. Raven went to say something but Anya stopped her.

"Yes, it's how you like it," Anya said to her before sitting down.

Clarke smiled at the two of them. She was glad her friend finally found someone who knew her almost as good as her two best friends. Murphy nudged Clarke and nodded towards the field. Octavia was out there next to Lexa. The delinquents cheered as loud as they could causing their friend to turn an awful shade of tomato red. Clarke waved to Octavia and gave her a thumbs up before locking eyes with the commander herself. Clarke told herself to turn away but she didn't, she couldn't. She ignored every impulse in her body that screamed for her to run. She had to stay for Octavia and only her. Slightly Raven. Clarke was about 98% sure Raven would kick her ass if she left so she remained seated.

Clarke cheered loud and jumped up and down when Octavia scored. She kept it pg while Raven went a little crazier. Clarke clapped when Lexa scored but nothing more. She wanted to show her support for the team, not Lexa.

Octavia ran up to Clarke giving her the biggest hug possible. It was that moment Clarke realized how much her being here meant to her friend. It meant the world and Clarke would be damned if she missed another game because of Lexa.

"I'm glad you came," Octavia said to Clarke throwing an arm around her best friends shoulder.

"Hey, Octavia," Lexa exclaimed running up to her mini-me. "The team was thinking more low key tonight so small thing at my house. You can invite your friends but make sure they know it's nothing crazy and most likely will be us passing out before ten." Lexa informed the young girl. She didn't acknowledge Clarke. She was trying to respect Clarke and keep her distance.

"Alright, that sounds good. I'll see you guys there." O said giving Lexa a hug before turning back to Clarke. "Alright, guys let's go," Octavia shouted getting the delinquents attention.

"I've got a party to go to so rain check," Bellamy told the group with Jasper following behind.

"That just made the night better," Anya muttered under her breath. Raven and Clarke, of course, heard it and laughed at the comment. She wasn't wrong. The rest of the gang waited for Octavia to shower before heading to Lexa's apartment. Clarke wasn't going to lie, the place was nice. It had a perfect view of the campus and the city. It was definitely better than the old crappy place her, O and Rae rented out.

Once inside, it only confirmed Clarke's pervious notions that Lexa was rich and didn't settle for less. The place was even nicer on the inside. So much nicer that Clarke almost felt out of place. Sure Clarke grew up in a pretty rich neighborhood and she was used to nicer things but this was way past what Clarke was used to.

It took a few minutes for Clarke to realize she was alone. All her friends had ditched her. Great. Clarke grabbed a drink from the kitchen and worked her way around talking to people she knew and didn't know. Clarke was a social butterfly once she got a few drinks in her and Clarke definitely had more than a few drinks in her by the time she made her way around the room. She stumbled up to Lexa who had definitely been watching her the entire night. She had blown off the girls and stayed with her back against the wall, watching Clarke.

"Long time no see art major," Lexa said smirking a bit. Clarke brushed it off. She was a tad too drunk to care.

"Let's go somewhere more private and I will make it up to you." Clarke "whispered" to Lexa. Clarke practically threw herself on top of Lexa and Lexa caught Clarke in her arms.

"You are drunk, Clarke," Lexa said being a little bit more serious now. She was stiff and even a drunk Clarke could tell but Clarke wasn't taking no for an answer.

"I want you to show me what Costia gave me up for." Clarke snapped at Lexa. "Show me the commander," Clarke said running her hands down Lexa's sides. Clarke played with the hem of her shirt. Lexa grabbed Clarke's hand and pulled it away from her shirt.

"Normally I would jump at this opportunity but you are drunk and this isn't right. I'm not sleeping with you to show you what Costia gave you up for. Maybe when you are sober I'll show you and maybe tell you the whole story so you stop looking at me that way." Lexa told Clarke standing firm. Lexa was not the person to take advantage of a drunk girl. She was the girl to stop others from taking advantage of drunk girls. She prided herself in that.

"Looking at you in what way?" Clarke asked Lexa still hanging on her. Lexa opened her mouth to answer but suddenly she noticed a change in Clarke's behavior. She knew the look Clarke had on her face. She was ready to vomit. Lexa quickly pushed Clarke to the bathroom and threw open the toilet seat right as Clarke threw up everything she had in her stomach.

Lexa shut and locked the door to the bathroom before tying Clarke's hair back and grabbing a washcloth. She set in on the counter so she would be ready. She rubbed Clarke's back as she formed herself to the toilet. Lexa grabbed the washcloth and gently cleaned some of the vomit from Clarke's mouth. Lexa grabbed a shirt she kept under the counter for moments like this. She helped Clarke change and then showed her to the only bedroom. Lexa's room.

Clarke immediately collapsed on the bed. Lexa pulled the comforter and sheet out from under Clarke. She took Clarke's shoes off and pushed her legs on to the bed before covering her. Lexa looked down at the blonde. She was broken and that made Lexa feel something she never felt before. It wasn't guilt but rather anger. Anger that someone so amazing and talented and just beautiful could be as broken as Clarke was.

"Look at you how?" Clarke asked again hoping to get an answer out of Lexa now that she was done throwing up. But she passed out before she heard the answer.

"Like I broke your heart."

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to make sense

It took a minute for Clarke to figure out where exactly she was. Clarke looked around the room. Lexa clearly wasn't there. The events from last night came flooding back. Clarke groaned and let her head fall back on the pillow. Walking out of the room was going to be worse than death. She just knew it. Clarke just wanted to curl up deep in the covers and disappear. But she knew sooner or later she would have to face Lexa and she couldn't be drunk this time. Clarke thought about sneaking out the window but that was shut down when she realized how high up Lexa's apartment was.

Clarke mustered up all the courage and dignity she had and made her way to the kitchen where she heard Lexa humming along to the radio. Once her presence was known, Lexa turned the radio down.

"Did that wake you?" Lexa asked Clarke.

"Uh no." Clarke barely choked out. Lexa slid a cup of water and two ibuprofen her way. Clarke gladly accepted them.

"I'm making pancakes. Do you want some?" Lexa flipped one of the pancakes over. They did make Clarke's mouth water but it would be too awkward.

"I should probably get back. Octavia and Raven are probably worried." Clarke told Lexa. She just wanted to get as far away from Lexa as possible. She was already humiliated enough. She didn't want to add any salt in the wound.

"They know you are here. I let them know last night and this morning since they were probably too drunk to remember last night." Lexa informed Clarke grabbing pancake syrup from one of the cabinets. "Are we going to talk about last night?" Lexa asked Clarke, as she poured herself another cup of coffee.

Clarke remained silent. She didn't want to admit to herself that last night happened but it did and Lexa wasn't drunk so she remembered. Swallowing all the pride she had left, Clarke accepted some pancakes and sat down.

"Look, Clarke, I want to tell you all what happened between Costia and me." Lexa sighed sitting down next to her.

"I'd rather not hear the sexy details." Clarke snapped, shoving some pancakes in her mouth.

"No not that. What happened before and after. The truth." Clarke didn't object so Lexa took that as an invitation to keep talking. "Costia had asked me to model for one of her paintings since you weren't around. She said she normally would ask her girlfriend but she was back home so she needed a stand-in and I agreed. About three sessions in, she was late. I figured there was a line for whatever food she was getting but when she walked in, she was sobbing." Lexa glanced over at Clarke who had an iron grip on her fork. Clarke didn't say anything. 

Lexa decided to continue. "I asked her what happened and she said that you guys had broken up. She didn't go into much detail. Needless to say, she was too upset to paint so we rescheduled. I went home and so did she. The next time she brought beer with her. I figured she was still upset about the breakup and just wanted to drink a little while she painted. One thing leads to another and next thing I know, she is pulling me into bed. Obviously, you know Raven caught me in her dorm room and when she mentioned you, I was confused. I'm not the type to hook up with someone who is dating someone else. Eventually, Raven calmed down enough and explained to me the whole thing. I felt so disgusting. She used me because you weren't there." Lexa took a breath. She refused to look over at Clarke. "I'm sorry and I never would have hooked up with her if I knew."

Clarke remained silent for a few minutes. She didn't know what to think or say. All of her thoughts were blocked out by anger. Why would Costia lie about them being broken up? Clarke was confused and hurt and angry. Clarke was definitely angry.

"I have to go." Clarke dropped her fork, grabbed her purse and practically ran out of Lexa's apartment. Lexa was stunned for a few minutes. But slowly, she cleaned the dishes, cleaned herself up and went to find Clarke.

Clarke pretty much ran all the way to the art studio. Clarke knew Costia liked to paint in the morning. It was her favorite time to paint. Clarke burst through the door. Sure enough, Costia was there. Clarke turned down the music.

"I know you don't like my kind of music, Clarke but you could at least ask before you turn it down." Costia joked with her. Costia knew Clarke would forever turn down her terrible music every time they were in the studio together. "I was actually wondering if you would model for me? I need to paint a portrait for one of my classes." Costia asked Clarke clearly not noticing how furious she was.

"Why don't you ask Lexa?" Clarke snapped at her. "Or will you just lie to her again?" Clarke added not giving a crap at the moment.

"She told you." Costia set down the paintbrush and turned her attention to Clarke. "You can't seriously blame me for lying. I just wanted something not complicated." Costia told her, getting a little pissed. They stood in silence. Neither one looking away from the other. There was so much history between the two of them. It was hard for Clarke to believe everything; to comprehend everything that was happening. 

Clarke went to leave but she called after her, "Clarke, wait," Costia sighed, looking at her painting and then at Clarke. "I was tired, Clarke. I know you were going through a lot of shit and when I first met you, I understood. But then a year passed and it was just hard. I know you lost your dad but I lost you." 

"You are unbelievable," Clarke said with an anger in her voice Costia had never heard before. Costia couldn't get another word in because Clarke had turned her music back up and walked away from her. Costia wasn't going to chase after her and she certainly didn't care.

Clarke walked out of the studio and sat down on the bench. She stared down at her hands. They were shaking from anger. She couldn't believe Costia. She was Clarke's first love. Definitely not her first anything else but her first love. She was the first person she opened up to after her brother and dad. Costia was the one who convinced Clarke to even go to college. Clarke was ready to throw everything away but Costia convinced her not to do that.

"You alright, art major?" Lexa asked sitting down next to Clarke. Clarke just shook her head not trusting her voice at the moment. "Let me walk you home," Lexa said helping Clarke stand up from the bench. Lexa pulled Clarke close, letting her arm slip around her waist. Clarke didn't pull away and frankly, she didn't care at the moment. She was too pissed to care.

"I don't want to go home." Clarke finally said, breaking the silence.

"Then what do you want to do?" Lexa asked pulling her to the side so people wouldn't run into them. Clarke didn't answer. She didn't know what she wanted to do. She just knew she couldn't go home and joke around with her friends like nothing was wrong. "I have an idea," Lexa told Clarke. Clarke just nodded her head putting her trust in Lexa. Anything and Clarke really meant anything would be better than going home.

Lexa and Clarke walked back towards the art studio but instead of going right to walk into the studio, Lexa guided her left which brought them to the soccer field. The soccer field was empty and a little damp. Lexa left Clarke standing in the middle of the field while she ran over to grab a ball from the sideline. Clarke watched her run with such ease. Lexa made everything seem so simple.

Lexa set the ball down in front of Clarke. Clarke just stared at her, wondering if this was a joke.

"Whenever I'm upset, I come to the fields and see how far I can kick the ball. It's a great way to relieve anger and stress." Lexa told Clarke, playing with the ball. "Seriously, just try it. Try and make it in the goal. I'll even be a goalkeeper if you want more of a challenge."

"Fine." Clarke sighed, really regretting trusting Lexa to help her. This was not what Clarke wanted to be doing but she would humor Lexa for a few minutes.

A few minutes became a few hours and before Clarke could even realize, she suddenly felt a little bit better. She was no longer thinking about Costia and how she lied. She was thinking about kicking the ball right at Lexa and watching her scramble to collect it. Clark was actually enjoying herself. The anger that Costia caused had somehow vanished in the few hours they were there. Clark felt better. Lexa was right about this. It was a terrific idea that Clarke definitely wouldn't forget.

Lexa came walking up to Clarke, a little sweaty and had some turf burns from her diving saves. Clarke didn't think Lexa would go all out but she did. Clarke picked a piece of turf off of Lexa's arm. They stood there for a few minutes, Clarke not wanting to pull her hand away just yet. It felt special. A moment between her and the real Lexa; the Lexa that Clarke assumed many people didn't get to see. The caring and considerate Lexa who dances around in spiderman boxers, singing to the top 40 on the radio, making pancakes. She just wanted to savoir a few more minutes of the real girl that she was supposed to hate but could barely bring herself to look at wrong. 

"Thanks for this. I needed it." Clarke said to Lexa sitting down on the ground. Lexa sat down next to her.

"Well, now you know a great way to deal with your anger instead of letting it all build up inside. I'm glad I could help since I am at fault for that anger." Lexa told Clarke staring at the ball. Lexa refused to look up at Clarke. She didn't want to see Clarke's beautiful yet broken face because part of that brokenness was her fault.

"Lexa, I don't blame you," Clarke whispered just loud enough for her to hear.

"You would think differently if you saw how you looked at me," Lexa said softly. She rolled the ball around, trying not to focus too much on the conversation. Clarke remained silent for a while. They say in silence. It wasn't awkward but comfortable. They didn't need to fill the space with words. Enough was being said in the silence.

"I should probably get going." Clarke finally said. Lexa looked up from the ground.

"Yeah totally. I actually have a thing to get to." Lexa lied. She didn't have a thing and she didn't want Clarke to leave. She just wanted the moment to last a little bit longer. "I'll see ya around art major," Lexa smirked at Clarke before dribbling the ball back to the sideline. She turned back and Clarke was already gone.

Lexa grabbed her phone from the ground and dialed Niylah's number. She needed to get whatever this feeling was out of her system and Niylah was a perfect way.

"Grounders in ten? Lexa asked, referring to the favorite local bar, as soon as Niylah picked up the phone.

"Little public for my liking but okay." Niylah agreed before hanging up the phone. Lexa didn't bother going home beforehand. Her outfit was good enough to have Niylah drooling before she even said a word. Niylah always liked when Lexa looked "dapper." Even if it was just skinny jeans and a button-down, Niylah melted into a puddle. She would rather see Lexa in a suit than shirtless and that was a rarity.

Lexa walked into Grounders. Most of the girls from the soccer team were already there. Harper was flirting with some girl, Luna was talking to Clarke? Lexa did a double take but sure enough, Clarke Griffins was there with Octavia and Raven just chatting it up with Luna. Lexa stared at Clarke as she made her way to the bar. Clarke, however, didn't notice Lexa's presence. Clark was too busy flirting to notice anyone else. She pretended that it didn't piss her off because it didn't. Why did Lexa care if Clarke was flirting with someone else? They weren't dating and Lexa definitely didn't think about kissing the blonde or getting to know every inch of the blonde's body and she definitely didn't see herself taking the adorable freaking blonde on dates and teasing her about stupid stuff. Lexa definitely didn't think about Clarke. 

Lexa threw back a shot and then another one and another, trying to forget to the adorable blonde flirting with Luna before Niylah had gotten there. Niylah slid into the seat next to Lexa very quietly. She ran a hand across Lexa's thigh before ordering herself a drink. Lexa barely noticed. She was too busy glancing back at Clarke.

"Let's dance," Niylah exclaimed grabbing Lexa's hand and pulling her from the chair. Clarke finally noticed Lexa and Niylah who just so happen to be holding Lexa's hand. Lexa muttered a string of cuss words under her breath. Niylah didn't notice and no one could really hear over the music.

Niylah pushed herself against Lexa, slowly moving her hips right into Lexa. That surely got Lexa's attention back to her. Lexa's hands found their way to Niylah's hips. She worked Niylah's hips how she wanted them. She was in control. Niylah turned and pressed her ass against Lexa. She grinded with the music and Lexa had forgotten everything at that moment. Lexa desperately wished to be back at her apartment with Niylah instead of here.

Niylah leaned back, just barely kissing Lexa. Lexa craved that. This is why she called Niylah. She made her forgot everything and crave so much.

"Let's get out of here," Niylah whispers in Lexa's ear, leaving a trail of kisses down her jaw. Lexa nodded, leading Niylah back to her apartment.

Lexa draped the blanket over Niylah after sliding out of bed. She found a pair of joggers and a t-shirt before walking out on the balcony. It was the perfect view. That's why Lexa had been sold on the place. The view. It overlooked the campus and the city off in the distance. Lexa loved the view. It made her feel small but in a good way. Lexa had always lived a life where she was bigger and better than everyone else because her parents made her feel that way but Lexa hated feeling like she was better. She hated that feeling. But the view of the campus and the city, her life, made her feel small again. Made her feel normal.


End file.
